Today I had a mini-stroke when I approached my local Starbucks and saw someone exiting the store with a cup decorated with red and white colors.
It can't be.
Oh but it is...
Starbucks is already giving out their Christmas themed cups. Oh sorry, "Holiday" cups. Let's call it what it is. CHRISTMAS THEMED CUPS ON October 31st! Do you see a blue Menorah on that cup? Then it's Christmas or Xmas for those of you who worship Santa and his 9 reindeer disciples.
Can we at LEAST wait until November 1st? It ruins a day that I don't particularly connect with to start. I'm not a huge Halloween fan, but I like to try and get in the mood each year with movies, decorations, candy candy candy, trick or treating with my little cousins, and Pumpkin Spice Lattes not poured in an Elf cup.
You motherfuckers almost made me think it was closer to Thanksgiving and that I'd have to eat dry turkey at my aunt's house and answer for the 5th time why my boyfriend wasn't there and when was he going to be asking me to get married. Because that's when I want to see a Christmas themed cup-when I'm at family Thankgsiving and I'm shakily sipping my cup of Gingerbread latte and explaining that my boyfriend has a form of autism that I can't even describe, which is why he hides from my massive family. That makes me yearn for Christmas, when all we focus on are the little kids in the family, ripping wrapping paper to shreds and commenting on the latest chachki we got. At Thanksgiving there's nothing to talk about but family gossip (aka my love life and not that of my other cousins) and how good the gravy is.
This Christmas cup is so early that I had to search the quickest form of internet communication to find it-Twitter. The rest of the internet is not aware of the red and white menace. Why? Because that's how they get you. That's how it was with the Nazis. Not everyone knew what a Nazi was or why Rolf down the street liked to wave at you with his left hand straight up. But they were around, oh yes my friends. They sneak it upon you. Next week you'll hear people screaming with outrage over the earlyness of the cups. "It's not even Thanksgiving," they'll say. But I was the first to warn you all. Christmas is being ruined by companies like my beloved Starbucks who have to bring it earlier and earlier every year.
Added to the menace is Toys R Us and KMart who released their "Christmas Toy Books." Now I admit, every year I like to look at these books to see "What the kids are buying" also known as: "What I didn't get as a kid, and why didn't they have that then damnit? Why didn't I ever get a barbie car? Why does Barbie look like a slut," and other such questions.
I feel like this is a little more acceptable, but not ON Halloween. My mind is still on the half ton bag of candy corn I've got stored by the porch, because that's what Halloween candy is damnit. How about we save the Ho Ho Ho's (sorry Barbie but it's true) and the Merry Happy Jolly Holidays for one more week so the kids can enjoy their wax lips and their overused zombie paraphernalia for one more week.
Corporations you are ruining my favorite holiday Christmas by rushing it. You'll make your money. Start counting the Halloween dough before you start on Christmas.
